People don’t like being on their own, have you noticed? There is some kind of taboo around being on your own, as if inside every individual on this planet is some creepy monster waiting to jump out when no-one is looking. It scares me, this attitude. Not only that but pack-thinking has affected things which were once reserved for the individual: one of the most special things you can do on your own, apart from pleasuring yourself with the satisfaction of having a darn good work-out with nobody to disturb you, is drinking tea. But alas lone tea-drinking, nature’s way, is loosing out to a brand new modern-day curse. That curse is pack tea-drinking, people, and quite simply it has to be stopped.

You see the packs everywhere. Usually suited and with Blackberries—the phone kind of course—to hand, clutching tea or groping plastic containers filled with the shambles that is instant coffee. The packs, through conditioning and years of office-based habit, have become at home with drinking tea together. No longer is tea the special activity of the lone person. And it is such a shame. Instead of relishing the unbelievable taste and virtues found only when lone (or maybe couples) tea-drinking, the pack obtains little pleasure from their tea. This fearful activity has become as routine as not washing your hands after going to the loo and as horrifying as those people you find on coaches who are determined to get the overhead air filters to bequeath them some air–

Packs can not be removed, of course, because the law and order doesn’t see the harm in mass tea-drinking. For me, when I see a pack, they may as well be carrying AK47s and dressed in balaclavas: it really is that serious people. So when you see a pack, do yourself a favour and steer well clear!

And finally before I go, a bit of exciting news for you all, I have decided it was about time to just get it over with and book the appointment to get that tattoo that I had gotten on that very drunken night removed. It has been infuriating me for far too long, evidently I have grown out of that whole defiant stage now. However, I was looking on the page for laser tattoo removal and I don’t actually know if it will look better afterwards, some of the photos are a little bit unconvincing! What do you guys think is inferior, a chinese symbol or a faint outline of one?