I was sitting in the park yesterday after my day in the office. Yes, after my day in the office! It was still sunny and light and warm! The park (or rather Tooting Common to be exact) was full of families, couples, single people, groups of friends and everyone was having a lovely time, getting out of their Tooting flats and houses for rent. People were smiling, children were laughing and couples were kissing. I popped in to the corner shop next to the park to buy a refreshing lolly and the man at the counter (usually grumpy and over-tired) was really warm and friendly. He asked me how I was and if I was enjoying the sunshine and we had a lovely chat! I crossed the road to go back to the park and cars stopped to let me without rushing me at all! In London that’s pretty impressive! So it made me think, what if the weather was always like this in England? What if our climate was like that of Spain and we never had to button up and slip over on ice and scrap our cars in the mornings. What if when we finished our boring day in the office it didn’t matter because the sunny evening stretched ahead of us to do what we want with. What if we had naps in the day time and started work later and pubs stayed open later and you could sit in the beer garden in the sunshine for ages. I wonder if we’d be a happier nation. I wonder if the psyche of British people would change? Maybe we’d become more laid back. Maybe that stiff upper lip of ours would crumble and we’d become more open and passionate with our emotions and our opinions. What a strange new world that would be! Can you imagine? The UK: a happy, light-hearted, emotionally open place? I think not! But hey, it’s nice to imagine…

Mobile phones, eh? They just keep getting better, faster, smaller and lighter. Energy-saving super-dudes Enigin know all about mobile phones. Along with their numerous other inventions, all designed to make our lives more efficient and easier, they have ones that connect to your mobile phone, allowing you to see how much energy you are using!

Personally, I’m one of those strange people who doesn’t own an iphone and who thinks that touch-screen technology is something to fear. Yes, you read that correctly: I am one of those people who still has a Nokia ’brick’phone. A Nokia which wouldn’t know an ’app’if it smacked it in the screen, incidentally. A Nokia which would work just as well (if not better) as a mini police-baton.

But it has to be said, Enigin are on to something pretty important and interesting here, and you could be too if you get in touch with them. They are using the latest iphone apps to create a revolution in energy-saving that is set to take over this world! And the way things are looking I might have to get me an iphone soon, otherwise me and China will be the only ones left who aren’t doing their bit.

Seriously, though, it’s crucial we save energy. Global Warming used to be around the corner, but now it’s in plain view. Enough of this “unless we do something about it then there’s no hope for our children”. If we don’t do something about it, the air will soon be so polluted that we won’t have enough air to breathe, let alone procreate.

Every time I see a girl wearing super-tight clothes I think Yes it’s alright, but let’s not get silly. And you can guess what happens next. Yes, usually, before I can draw my next breath, I see someone else who makes it look silly. Now, I realize it’s none of my business and this blog post could make me look like an interfering cow, but to hell with it: we have to draw the line girls! We can’t just keep wearing tight stuff willy nilly. We need some censorship here, and since there are no laws banning certain people from wearing really tight things, we will need to do this ourselves! Nowadays, people in tight stuff in general are as common as sensitive skin moisturizer advertisements when they first came out!

Now I should admit it. I have some tight jeans. I wear them sometimes, but not often, and I quite like the way they feel (apart from after a long walk, when they just hurt: the insides of my thighs resembling under-cooked chicken). But that’s not what I am talking about. No. The people who upset me are those women who wear tight jeans and get stuck in them. I repeat: stuck in them. On the train last week this was the situation. A middle-aged woman had climbed on to the train wearing tight jeans, and couldn’t actually get off again. The train had been stopped! She was sitting there trapped in her own super-tight trousers!

That’s why we need censorship–Need I say more?

Are you the kind of female who sees a super-skinny girl and flinches, thinking That’s just not right, is it?? If you are then you’ve come to the exact right place! If you’re not and you’re presently thinking about having your tenth Brow lift then I suggest you prepare yourself!

I am not a super-skinny girl, you see. I have a belly, there, I said it, and I’ll say it again: I have a belly! It moves slightly when I walk around, and it feels just great. It feels perfectly normal. And you know what? There’s nothing wrong with feeling like that. In fact, having a belly is the most natural thing in world, and my boyfriend loves that I look like an actual woman. He says he wants something real, not something fake and honed and altogether manfuctured.

Need further proof that having a belly is as normal as it gets? Then look no further than the paintings of the olden days. I’m talking about those great big ones in those great big galleries. Back in the olden days, you see, real women were considered to be the only ones worth looking at. Skinny women didn’t even get a look in! Gaze at any old master’s painting and you’ll see what I mean by that. The women with their curves lying there on velvet, that’s the way nature intended, not the way it is today.

Seriously, having a belly is fine. Having proper thighs is fine too. The sooner young girls start to get that message, the sooner we can rid our country of this awful sad curse.

]]> http://www.victoriamusing.co.uk/2010/04/06/not-skinny/feed/ http://www.victoriamusing.co.uk/2010/03/26/meanies/ http://www.victoriamusing.co.uk/2010/03/26/meanies/#comments Fri, 26 Mar 2010 10:57:34 +0000 admin http://www.victoriamusing.co.uk/?p=1926

People can be mean about a lot of things; when I was a girl it was because I had to wear a neck pillow once because I’d had an accident while playing and needed it for support.

But one of the things they can be most mean about is mocking dressing gowns. Yes, that’s right. When I was a young girl I could wear a brightly coloured dressing gown, or a pink dressing gown, or one with cute little rabbits all over it. But nowadays, as a grown woman, I have to be extremely careful who I let know about my passion.

And it isn’t as though dressing gowns have gone out of fashion, that’s not the problem. It’s more that those awful all-white ones—the kind that should only be worn in health spa’s—have become the status quo. It is for this reason that the coloured ones that I love so much have been left behind. It is a sad state of affairs. One that I fear will never change.

But I still have my collection, so as long as my house doesn’t burn down, and nobody for The Society For Ban All Coloured Dressing Gowns petrol-bombs my house, I should be OK. But here’s the thing: the other day at work we all started talking about dressing gowns and what was good, and I accidentally let it slip. “I have one hundred and they’re all different!” I announced to the office. Everyone stopped. Then someone said, “Honestly?”

My face went quite red. And that was when the mocking started–In future I better be more careful!

Looks DO matter. Don’t try and deny it, and don’t start analyzing that statement. I didn’t say “looks are the only things that matter” or “Looks are more important than personality”, because I don’t believe in either of those statements. But what I do believe in is this: as human beings we have evolved to gravitate towards people we find attractive as a potential mate. Women (and there is indisputable evidence to suggest this) look for a strong man who can take care of them and be a good father to their children. Men look for a fine specimen of womanhood who can bear children; some men don’t mind if their potential mate uses anti-ageing skin care treatment — as they interpret that to mean that they take care of themselves and are thus suitable. That’s really it. You can throw any number of other arguments in to the equation, but no amount of evolution will ever erase the core sensibilities of humanity. They are ingrained in our genes, and we are powerless to resist.

But society is changing. As time passes there are two opposing forces. There is a) the school of thought that personality matters more than looks, which is nice but faliable, and b) that we should not choose people solely based on their looks. Both of these things I have a problem with. In the first case I have a problem because, let us face facts, looks play a monumental part in the coming together of two people to begin with. In the second, I have a problem because, statistically, there is no reason to suggest that a good-looking person can’t have as good a personality as anyone else.

Enigin are an energy-saving company who speak the truth. Click on the link and see for yourself.

And it’s an interesting point that the writer has made: what is money? Where does it come from? Where did it all begin? Who decides that actually we could use a few more fifty-pence pieces and ten dollar bills? We will probably never know the answer to these questions, but it’s refreshing to think that we the consumers aren’t alone in being confused.

This honesty is something which Enigin take very seriously. In fact, you can see from the aforementioned post that being open is top priority. Indeed, all of their blogs are full of information presented in a way that doesn’t seek to bend or alter the truth. There is no spin. They simply tell you what they know, and everyone is in the same boat together. The result? More people consider using Enigin and other energy saving companies. Precisely the direction we need to head in, in order to make the world a different and better place.

People don’t like being on their own, have you noticed? There is some kind of taboo around being on your own, as if inside every individual on this planet is some creepy monster waiting to jump out when no-one is looking. It scares me, this attitude. Not only that but pack-thinking has affected things which were once reserved for the individual: one of the most special things you can do on your own, apart from pleasuring yourself with the satisfaction of having a darn good work-out with nobody to disturb you, is drinking tea. But alas lone tea-drinking, nature’s way, is loosing out to a brand new modern-day curse. That curse is pack tea-drinking, people, and quite simply it has to be stopped.

You see the packs everywhere. Usually suited and with Blackberries—the phone kind of course—to hand, clutching tea or groping plastic containers filled with the shambles that is instant coffee. The packs, through conditioning and years of office-based habit, have become at home with drinking tea together. No longer is tea the special activity of the lone person. And it is such a shame. Instead of relishing the unbelievable taste and virtues found only when lone (or maybe couples) tea-drinking, the pack obtains little pleasure from their tea. This fearful activity has become as routine as not washing your hands after going to the loo and as horrifying as those people you find on coaches who are determined to get the overhead air filters to bequeath them some air–

Packs can not be removed, of course, because the law and order doesn’t see the harm in mass tea-drinking. For me, when I see a pack, they may as well be carrying AK47s and dressed in balaclavas: it really is that serious people. So when you see a pack, do yourself a favour and steer well clear!

And finally before I go, a bit of exciting news for you all, I have decided it was about time to just get it over with and book the appointment to get that tattoo that I had gotten on that very drunken night removed. It has been infuriating me for far too long, evidently I have grown out of that whole defiant stage now. However, I was looking on the page for laser tattoo removal and I don’t actually know if it will look better afterwards, some of the photos are a little bit unconvincing! What do you guys think is inferior, a chinese symbol or a faint outline of one?

You may have heard about toning belts from those late night infomercials but not all of them do what they claim. There is one however that seem to be gaining in popularity and that is the Flex Belt Abdominal Toning Belt. This belt is said to be the most advanced around and a devise that is very effective in toning the abdominal muscles. With the Flex Belt users are able to exercise their abdominals whenever they want and wherever they want. The belt will do all the work.

In one clinical trial every participant showed a strengthening, toning, and flattening of their stomach from using the Flex Belt.

The Flex Belt uses the latest technology and is currently the only Electric Muscle Stimulation belt around that has been given the green light by the Food and Drug Administration. It has been categorized as a device that can be sold directly to the consumer.

The belt has intensity levels ranging from 1-100 and for each level of intensity once you begin to feel stronger you can go to the next higher level. If you should use the product at the highest intensity chances are your stomach muscles will feel sore the next day.

Breathable and lightweight the Flex Belt comes with a built in training programs for users to take advantage of. It is used according to instructions users will likely get the benefits they are looking for.

One of the good things about this belt is that it takes the stress out of exercising especially the abdominal muscles. This helps to make it appealing to the masses who do not want to have to go to the gym and lift weights and exercise.

The Flex Belt is priced at just under $200 and at this price you will be advised to give it a try and see what the outcome is.

One last thing before I go, I have finally decided to go and book the appointment to get that tattoo that I had gotten removed. It has been annoying me for a really long time now, it would seem I have grown out of that whole adolescent stage now. However, I was looking on the page for laser tattoo removal stockport and I began to doubt if it will look better afterwards because there is loads of green in it! What do you guys think is more shoddy, a bird or a faint outline of one?

I go to the office and speak with another woman who has been in court this week (she is the victim, not the perpetrator) but the case has collapsed because the police and the crown prosecution service didn’t do their jobs properly. She is exhausted and now has to wait months for the trial to be listed again. I feel for her and wish there was something I could do, but I know there isn’t.

After my working day finishes, I head into town and meet a friend. We eat in a Hare Krishna restaurant and the food is good. Spinach rolls and salad. The Krishna’s look fantastic in their gold face paint.

After that over a couple of cups of tea, served by a waitress with an attitude problem, we discuss our lives, why we do the things we do. Why we’ve packed in jobs and moved cities more times than most people have had hot dinners, why a lot of people settle for things that are a long way short of their potential. Why? Is it fear that holds them back? We feel fear too, but we never let it stop us doing anything. Yet I don’t feel particularly brave.

We head to our respective homes and I text my friend saying that I love our conversations. I receive a reply that I am like a breath of fresh air. I’m almost moved to tears and fall into my luxury bedding and a dreamless sleep.